Are you struggling to handle your moody teenager, disrespectful, unmotivated, defiant, or irresponsible? If so, in this article, I’ll explain four proven tips that are guaranteed to help the situation.

Connect with Your Teen:

Connect with your teen in ways that he or she finds meaningful. This is the vital first step to take. If you don’t connect meaningfully with your difficult teens, here’s what will happen.

Your communication with them will revolve around what they’ve been doing wrong, how they’ve been irresponsible, how their attitude has been bad, et cetera. Nobody likes being criticized all the time, so your teens will start talking to you less.

They may even start to avoid you. This is why it’s important to find ways to have a peaceful and happy conversation with your teens You can start by trying to find common ground with them. Maybe there are specific shows, games, or activities they like.

Make the effort to learn more about these things yourself. You’ll discover that when you’re able to talk to your teens about these kinds of casual topics, it will be easier to talk about more serious topics down the road. you can even invite your teenagers’ friends to hang out at your house.

This will allow you to get to know more about what your teens are interested in.

It will also help you to stay connected with what’s going on in your teens’ lives, without having to snoop around. when communicating with your teens, avoid criticizing, nagging, or judging, as far as possible. and if the relationship is already strained, don’t expect your teens to respond positively right away show them that you love them and that you’re always there for them, even if there’s tension in the relationship You can try surprising your teens with their favorite meal. Or, you could put a handwritten note on their desk.

Give your Teen Space:

Give your teen space without shutting down communication. If your teens are angry or frustrated, and they’re not in the mood to talk, don’t try to force them to tell you what’s going on. Try saying something like this:

“If you feel like talking about this later”, just let me know.”

wait for them to be in a better mood, then help them process their emotions.

a crucial skill your teenagers should develop is the ability to label their emotions.

What does it mean to label your emotions? It means to consciously and specifically identify the feelings you’re experiencing.

For example, let’s say that your teenage son is angry that his teacher criticized him in front of his whole class. But is he just angry?

Maybe he felt embarrassed and shocked at the start. Then, he started to feel insulted and hurt because he thought his teacher’s comments were uncalled for.

Then he felt worried because there was a girl in his class that he liked, and he started to worry about her thinking worse of him. Only then did he start to feel angry with his teacher. Labeling your emotions is about being able to precisely identify your feelings, and to understand why you’re feeling what you’re feeling.

Various psychology studies have shown that labeling your emotions enables you to manage your emotions more effectively. Emotional labeling reduces the intensity of feelings like anxiety, anger, fear, and embarrassment if your teens don’t develop this skill of emotional labeling, they’ll end up feeling more confused and overwhelmed.

This will cause them to display even more difficult behavior. so try to help your teens to label their emotions. Ask open-ended questions like:

“How are you feeling about the upcoming exam?” If you’re quite sure you know how your teens are feeling,you can try to label their feelings for themif they’re having trouble doing so on their own.

For example, you could say something like: “That sounds frustrating,” or, “Did you feel betrayed when he did that?” and if your teens are going through a tough time,do your best to empathize with them.show them that you’re there for them by saying something like: “If there’s anything I can do to support you better, you can tell me anytime.”

Tip number three:

Increase the number of positive interactions you have with your teen. According to relationship researcher John Gottman, successful relationships have a balance between positive and negative feelings and interactions.

Now, this balance doesn’t mean an equal number of positive and negative interactions.

The ideal ratio that John Gottman discovered is 5:1. This means that for every negative feeling or interaction in the relationship, there should be at least five positive ones.

Gottman’s research was focused on couples, but the 5:1 ratio also applies to the parent-teen relationship. Chances are that if you’re dealing with a difficult teen, the ratio isn’t 5:1. The ratio might be something like 1:50 instead, with lots of negative interactions overshadowing the positive interactions.

This will lead to a negative cycle, and the parent-child relationship will get worse.

Your teen’s attitude and behavior will probably get worse too. So I encourage you to make an intentional effort to notice even the small positive things your teens do. Things like taking out the trash, walking the dog, and making an effort to get up for school on time.

Acknowledge even the tiny progress that your teen is making. Also, try to increase the number of simple positive interactions you have with your teens by saying, “Have a good day,” when you drop them off at school.

You could also say things like, “Thank you for setting the table.” Even when you feel like your teens are being ridiculous, remind yourself that they’re struggling. Their challenging behavior is just a symptom of something deeper that’s going on.

They’re experiencing some big emotions that they’re having a hard time dealing with.

Here’s a truth to keep in mind: When teens don’t feel right, they can’t act right. When you change your perspective, you’ll have more patience and empathy, and you won’t take things so personally. Here’s another strategy to try. When you set boundaries or say no to your teens’ requests, try to say things positively instead of negatively.

For example, instead of saying,

“I told you to do this yesterday.”

You could say:

“Did you have any trouble doing it yesterday?”

Here are a couple more examples.

Negative: “Stop being rude.”

Positive: “I appreciate it when you speak to me calmly.”

Negative: “Stop interrupting me.”

Positive: “Can you please wait until I’m done explaining this?”

I’m confident that when you achieve the 5:1 positive-to-negative ratio, your teens’ behavior and attitude will improve. Of course, I’m not saying that you should lie or be insincere just to increase the number of positive interactions you have with your teens. But it’s a communication habit that will have long-lasting benefits.

Take Care of Your Well-Being:

Take care of your well-being using the Small/Medium/Large approach. This might sound like a strange tip to include when this article is about dealing with a difficult teenager.

But if your teenager has been displaying behavioral problems, I’m sure it’s caused you a lot of stress and frustration. If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll end up feeling worn out and frazzled all the time. And if you’re not in a good place physically, emotionally, and mentally.

But here’s an approach I’ve found useful, which you might find useful too this approach has helped me to be more consistent about my workouts. Let me explain. For each workout, I choose to do either a Small, Medium, or Large workout. I’ve pre-determined that, for me, A small workout would be a five-minute workout involving body weight exercises only a medium workout would be a 20-minute workout with dumbbells. A Large workout would be a 30-minute workout with dumbbells and barbells.

If I hardly have time to exercise that day, or I’m feeling really tired, I’ll do a small workout. If it’s a typical day, I’ll do a Medium workout, and if I have a lot of time that day, I’ll do a Large workout.

This way, there’s no excuse for me not to complete my workout. even if I’m really busy, I can still do the Small five-minute workout before I take a shower at night. For you, a Small workout might even be something as simple as doing 10 jumping jacks.

This would take you 10 seconds to do. The key is to not skip workouts, so you’ll build a consistent habit. If you’re going through an exceptionally busy season of life, go ahead and do only Small workouts for now.

Just make sure that you don’t skip the workouts entirely. You can use this Small/Medium/Large approach for most of your wellness-related activities and goals.

For example, you might decide to do some daily deep breathing exercises to de-stress A small deep breathing session could be 20 seconds long a Medium session could be two minutes long, and a Large session could be 10 minutes long. I’m confident that when your well-being is taken care of, you’ll be in the right mental state to handle the situation with your difficult teen.