I’m sure you want your teens to make good decisions, but it probably seems like they frequently make impulsive or shortsighted decisions. in this article, I’ll share with you the four key principles that will help you guide and inspire your teens to make better decisions.

Principle 1 focuses more on values and less on outcomes:

Here’s principle number one focus more on values and less on outcomes. When your teens need to make a choice, the first thing they might do is to think about what the likely outcome will be.

They might ask questions like,

What will my friends think if I do this?

Will I be happy if I choose this option?

Will this help me achieve my goals?

There’s nothing wrong with thinking about the consequences and outcomes, but here’s what matters more than outcomes, values. values are the core beliefs that each of us has. values guide our behavior and choices.

This is vital because, in life, the direction matters more than the destination. I’ve spent many thousands of hours coaching teens one-on-one, and I found the following to be true. Teens don’t rise to the level of their potential. They sink to the level of their values.

Values help us to make the right decision, even if it’s a difficult one. So when your teens have a decision to make, encourage them to think about this question, Which choice is aligned with my values?  of course, your teens might not be clear about what their values are exactly, but hard choices will force your teens to think about the values that are important to them.

For example,

Do they believe that contribution matters more than achievement?

Do they believe that family is more important than fun?

When they answer these kinds of questions thoughtfully they’ll make wiser decisions.

I once had a teenage coaching client who rarely spent time with his family.

I’ll call him Timothy.

When Timothy was at home, he stayed in his room most of the time playing video games with his friends. When I talked to him about the values he felt were important, he said that family was something that mattered a lot to him, but he realized that his actions were not aligned with his behavior and choices, so he decided to make it a point to come out of his room every night for at least half an hour to interact with his family members.

This example shows how crucial it is for teens to focus on values when they make decisions. when you talk to your teens about the hard choices you have to make in your own life, explain which values you took into consideration. This will help your teens to see that values are not just a philosophical concept. Values are the foundation of making good decisions and leading a good life.

Principle 2 Focus more on people and less on pragmatism:

Now let’s talk about principle number two Focus more on people and less on pragmatism. Now, it isn’t a bad thing for your teens to make decisions based on practical concerns, but the best decisions take into consideration how other people will be affected.

Encourage your teens to think about these types of questions when they’re faced with a decision.

In this situation, what are my responsibilities to others?

What’s the kind thing to do?

Which choice will allow me to contribute more?

If I do this, will I be disrespecting anyone?

Here’s an example, let’s say your teenage daughter is planning to have a birthday party at your house. The practical approach would be to focus on things like food, music, and the guest list.

These are all important things, but focusing on people might prompt a question like, how will the party affect my neighbors? Based on this question, imagine that your daughter eventually decides to have a small party with eight friends instead of a big party with 40 friends.

Your daughter realized the impact a large crowd might have on her elderly neighbors.

So she decided to keep it small because she wanted to be considerate. To help your teens learn from your example,

When the opportunity arises, you can share with your teens how you focus on people when you make decisions at work or home.

Principle 3 focuses more on stories and less on solutions:

Principle number three focuses more on stories and less on solutions. this principle might sound strange, so let me explain. Teenagers make many decisions by focusing on solving problems or eliminating frustrations.

Once again, this isn’t a bad thing, but here’s some better framework teenagers should use. Think about the story you want to tell others. after all, your teens are writing the story of their lives every day. Life isn’t meant to be a list of problems to be solved, although we can sometimes feel that way.

Instead, life is meant to be a meaningful and purposeful story to be written one day at a time. a big part of this story is the choices we make. so encourage your teens to think about the story they’re telling through their decisions.

An example, I can think of is one of my teenage coaching clients. I’ll call him Jason When I first started working with Jason, he lacked confidence and struggled with low self-esteem.

He was constantly worried about what other people thought of him. so it turned into a vicious cycle where he became even more anxious about interacting with others, which further affected his confidence.

I got Jason to think about the life story he was writing. He realized that this wasn’t the story he wanted to write. It wasn’t the story he would be proud to tell others about.

He thought about how many regrets he would have if he didn’t start writing a different story.

So he committed to making small positive changes one step at a time. He started getting outside his comfort zone socially, and he built several meaningful friendships.

He even intentionally got a job as a waiter because he knew he would have to interact with coworkers and customers, which would help him develop social skills. This is the power of helping your teens to focus on the story they want to tell with every decision they make.

Principle 4 focuses on turning events into experiences:

Principle number four focuses on turning events into experiences. as your teens get older, they will go through more and more life events, but it’s only through a process of reflection that these life events will turn into life experiences.

Life events won’t help your teens gain wisdom or make better decisions in the future, but life experiences will. So after your teens have made an important decision, gently guide them to reflect on the decision. Encourage them to think about questions like,

what factors did I consider when I made this decision?

Were there factors I didn’t consider that I should have?

was there anyone else I should have consulted before making the decision?

Was the outcome what I expected?

If not, why do I feel proud of myself for making this choice?

Years ago, I started keeping a journal where for a couple of minutes every day I reflected on at least one or two decisions I had made earlier in the day.

I then wrote down what was good or bad about the decision. If I had made a mistake I wrote it down what I would do differently in the future if I found myself in a similar situation.

For example, I remember journaling about a situation where I was having dinner with a group of friends one night. Because of the topic of conversation, one person in the group felt excluded for 15 minutes.

I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t do anything to make the person feel more included during those 15 minutes. so I wrote down in my journal that if a similar situation were to happen in the future, I would intentionally steer the conversation in a direction to ensure that nobody would feel excluded.

This daily practice of journaling helped me to turn life events into life experiences, and I started making better decisions. Of course, I still make decisions that are less than ideal, but I’m trying to learn from those mistakes.

So if your teens are open to discussing their decisions with you, come alongside them and guide them in a non-judgmental manner toward asking the right questions. This will enable them to avoid making the same mistakes again. Now you know how to help your teen make good decisions.